Why There’s Always a Karen…

A reflection on toxic dynamics in military culture and choosing something better.

For as long as I’ve worked for the U.S. Air Force, across squadrons, groups, and wings, even during my time at the Pentagon, there’s always been a Karen.

Sometimes her name was Christine. Or Catherine. Or Natalie. Or Susan.
And now, well… Karen.

They weren’t always loud. Sometimes they were quietly cruel.
They weren’t always in charge. Sometimes, they just made sure you knew they wanted to be.
They operated in the shadows, whispering, positioning, aligning.
They didn’t need a title to control the room. They just needed enough people to look the other way.

Not Seeking Approval, Just Seeking Peace

I never wanted her approval; she wasn’t even in my chain of command.

But I always found myself asking:

Why me?
Why did she target me with passive-aggressive jabs, undermine my work, or twist narratives to paint me as difficult or emotional?

Even when I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt… even when I stayed kind, stayed focused, stayed professional…
The attacks kept coming.

Over time, I realized I wasn’t imagining things.
I was simply standing in a space where people like me are often made to feel unsafe.

Why It’s So Common in Military Environments

This dynamic isn’t rare. It’s almost expected in many military and civilian roles, especially if you're a woman trying to do meaningful work in a system that thrives on hierarchy and silence.

Here’s why this happens so often:

• Toxic loyalty is rewarded more than ethical leadership.
  Those who manipulate upward are often protected, while those who speak out are punished.

• The chain of command can hide abuse.
  As long as someone has “seniority” or the right friendships, they’re rarely held accountable.

• People who thrive in control don’t like women who lead with heart.
  Kindness is seen as weakness. Collaboration is seen as a threat.

• There’s a culture of denial.
  If you bring up mistreatment, the response is often, “That’s just how she is,” or worse, “You’re too sensitive.”

Trying to Survive a System That Was Never Designed to Support People Like Me

That’s the part that hurts the most.

I’ve always shown up with solutions, with ideas, with a desire to build community and connection.
But in this system, that’s rarely valued. It’s tolerated until someone like Karen decides it’s threatening.

I wasn’t trying to make waves.
I was just trying to make things better.

But the more I did, the more I became a target.

This isn’t just a toxic coworker problem.
This is what happens when you’re empathetic in a place that equates numbness with strength.
This is what happens when you’re collaborative in a place that rewards control.
This is what happens when you are yourself in a place that only respects conformity.

You begin to question if the system was ever meant for people like you.

What I Know Now

• You can’t fix a workplace that thrives on dysfunction.

• You’re not weak for choosing peace.

• Just because they don't understand your worth doesn't mean it's any less real.

• It’s okay to leave. In fact, it’s brave.

Why I Created Salute to Wellness

Salute to Wellness was born out of that very realization.
I wanted a space where:

• I could lead with compassion without being punished for it.

• I didn’t have to work alongside people who manipulate or scapegoat.

• I could create change without sacrificing myself.

It’s not just a brand.
It’s a reclamation.
It’s a quiet rebellion against every “Karen” who tried to make me small.

If You’re in a Similar Season

Maybe you’ve got your own “Karen.”
Maybe it’s not even a person; perhaps it’s the culture. The hierarchy. The subtle digs. The chronic dismissal.

I want you to know:
You are not imagining it.
You are not “too sensitive.”
You are not the problem.

You’re just awake.
And the people still asleep will never understand why that feels so heavy.

To the Women Who Stay Too Long (Because You Care)

We stayed because we wanted to fix it.
We gave the benefit of the doubt.
We believed people could change.
We gave more chances than we got.

But eventually, we wake up.
And realize we deserve a life where we don’t have to brace for impact every day.

Closing Reflection

If you’ve ever wondered why there’s always a Karen, maybe it’s because you’ve always been someone who challenges the system, just by being kind, competent, and unwilling to play along.

You don’t need to change who you are.
You just need to choose where you’ll no longer stay.

Your peace isn’t a luxury. It’s your next right step.

xx, Diana